Health and Upkeep

Roll one d20 every 30 seconds to see what random event happens. Sample events include: Choking to death Getting a disease Spontaneous combustion Death Mexicans people steal your stuff Black people stab you You get amnesia Clowns murder you You have an anyeurism Your heart stops You have a stroke You forget everything you know You vomit and choke to death on your vomit Jews cheat you out of your money You lose control of your bowels You suddenly speak Spanish You change genders

Eating
You must eat every five hours or take hunger penalties.

Roll to see if the food has been cooked properly. Roll to see if the food is ripe. Roll to see if the food is moldy. Roll to see if the food is edible.

If any of these rolls fail, you are poisoned.

When eating, roll to see if you are able to open your mouth or if you have lockjaw. Roll to see if you can co-ordinate your jaw. Roll to see if you swallow your tongue. Roll to see if you choke. (if you do this, you will take continuous damage until the piece of food is removed)

Roll to see if you ate something that isn't actually food.

Aging
Aging is represented by a fractional loss of XP every round to simulate the gradual advance towards senility. The equation for XP loss is: X= ((Insanity/2 * age * number of rounds in combat)^0.5 )/ Intelligence. Aging is also tied to muscular damage. So if you lose a hand in combat and roll high on the age roll that round you will age: Strength in every muscle ^2 plus the roll needed which is divided by 1d100 /356.25*24*360.

Scars
1d75.